If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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