btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
