I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
