his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
