he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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