I just cut my nipple shaving
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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