Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
