New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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