mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
