Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
