he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
