we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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