She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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