addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This house was built for laser tag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
