Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
