already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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