My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
