Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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