This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
