My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm like, not good at living.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
