She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Houston, we have a blender
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
