We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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