he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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