grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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