Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
