That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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