It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
