i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
