I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
