Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
