i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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