hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
