if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
