I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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