Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
