did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
