There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
