You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
