in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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