like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
