I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
