Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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