We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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