dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
