I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
