woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
