so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
