I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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