I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we should paint friendship bongs
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