why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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