You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
