I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
