He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
