This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
