I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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