Don't make out with my wife yet
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
