the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
