i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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