I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
