My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
