we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
