Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
