i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
this hospital has no fireball
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
