he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
