I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
