"it" just moved
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
