can u get pink eye on your cock?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
