So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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