I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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