Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
