The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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