I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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