Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
