The maid of honor just puked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
