I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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