My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
