i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't notice because vodka
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
