but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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