just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
