Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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