i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
