I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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