is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
