There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
