Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
