New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
