dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
