So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
