Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Porn is love you can see.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
