he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
